I've noticed some of the most controversial of bloggers, those that criticize the transsexuals who are's and who are not's, haven't posted any "Merry Christmas's", "Happy Holiday's", or "Happy New Years". .....I guess their mindset is stuck in "Grinch" mode. 




.......Happy New Year.......



Stephanie

I'm back.

I thought I'd open this up again. There were a lot of Doctor visits in the past year or so. I got disinterested with writing. I'm on Facebook, Stephanie Flettshock, should get you there. I'll be writing short things here mostly. I have a short attention span.

Today's thought was:
I spent 37 years going in and out of being a transsexual. I cross-dressed, but the other cross-dressers stayed away from me because they could tell I was different. I'm transsexual, I want to BE not look like. My looks only give me about a 70% "passing" grade. But that's alright. I've learned to live with it. Others don't matter. I'm 58, been Stephanie for 7yrs now. I guess I'm the late bloomer they talk about. But what they can't realize is that I was always Stephanie. Maybe not physically, still not,but my mind says so. If your mind can't understand this it's YOU who have a problem.

The Canadian National Newspaper: Transgender Rights: U.S. confronts Bathroom Issue once again

The Canadian National Newspaper: Transgender Rights: U.S. confronts Bathroom Issue once again

My first experience with discrimination

I'm transsexual, but this has nothing to do with that. I was around when there were "coloreds only" or "white only" signs. Seems so archaic now.

My grandfather was full blooded German. He had a temper that required someone else to be with him to keep that temper under control. Likewise his convictions on what he deemed right and wrong were just as intense. He practiced what he preached.

He worked doing masonry work, my father with him, and I rode with this day. His long time helper Sterling Samual was the only helper they needed for this job. Sterling was and still is my friend. I was 12, Sterling was about 20. The job was plastering a pool in Helena, Ark, one of the most racially phobic places I ever saw. Oh, did I fail to mention that Sterling is black?

So we get to the job which was a day only of cleaning up and doing the finishing touches. A little after noon, work done, it was decided that we all would go into town for a late lunch. We go into a nice cafe with maybe 8 people in the 40 chair dining room, sit and wait for the waitress to come take our order. But before she would come all hell breaks loose. A white woman complains,(screaming out of control!) to management that Sterling shouldn't be in this cafe, it was for whites only. My grandfather went ballistic! "God damnit, Sterling is my helper and he is going to eat with us!" 10 minutes of arguing, the sheriff was called, the argument nearly comes to punches being thrown. Sterling, trying to get my grandfather from going to jail, decides that he will eat in the kitchen. "Sterling is my friend. If he's going to eat in the kitchen so am I".
So here we go, back to the kitchen. When we get there, low and behold, there are 5 black ladies back there doing all the cooking! "How can a crazed white woman eat what a black cook can make but not let a black man eat in the same room?" My first lesson in bigotry.
That was the best, biggest, and most rewarding dinner I've ever eaten. And the lesson learned that day was far and away the most important lesson that has followed me throughout life.

Civil rights for ALL people!

Stephanie

Molly

5 Best Reasons for LGBT to Support T

5 Best Reasons for LGBT to Support T

"There's something about Stephanie"

Seems I been called everything but a white woman over on Elizabeth's, Notes from the T-side. It really means nothing to me, the name calling. It shows how petty she and a few others are sitting on top of their pedestal. She and her small group of 'true women' resort to name calling just as children on a playground do. Disagree with her and she'll call you names too!

So hurry over and get your chance to enlighten the 'women' and get your share of abuse! Then comment about the 'true girls' on your own blog. Spread the insanity!

(I'm sure I'll catch hell about this too!)


Stephanie

Original Blog

Thanks to Calie, I now have my original blog, "Stephanie ...The Prequel" back. Take a look.

An old new blog

I've had to start over on a blog I had a few years ago. When I suffered my severe bout of depression I deleted it and can't find it again. (Thanks Calie for trying to help)

It's name is, 'The Prequel', about my early memories of feeling different and then finally realizing I am transsexual. I started it today and will try to post regularly.

Stephanie

Ho hum humdrum

I have a deep sense of remorse for not writing in this blog like I did before the big depression set in. I would write nearly everyday, mundane things mostly, (like this!) observations at best. When the depression finally lifted I got back on here and tried to write but the words just don't come as they did. Even now after a year of being "better" I still find it hard to find anything that needs to be said here. I've become a housewife who only ventures outside the house on Friday to get groceries or go to the many doctor visits that I have. I'm back to being "full time" but that doesn't mean what it did when I was working. My full time then meant make-up all the time, interacting with hundreds of people, and generally having a bounce in my step and a happy face on my face. Now it's a once a week trip to town. At home, I just don't see a point in sitting here in full face for no reason. Other housewives don't, why should I? I know I should get out more but the trip to town is a 45min. journey and dealing with the only decent car we have means getting up at 5:30am and taking my wife to work, and well, I am NOT a morning person! (excuses) We are slowly getting our bills paid off so we can sell our place and move to town, maybe next spring. My health isn't going to ever be good enough to hold down a job again but maybe a volunteer job would get me out and about. I need that inter-action.

Well, this writing (if you can call it that) just seems too mundane (as I said) to be anything I'd like to post but I have to put something here.

Life IS good!

Stephanie

Ps: I'm on Facebook a lot now. I don't have to hold a thought as long there! lol
Pss: A very few of you might remember a second blog I had here, Stephanie...the Prequel. I stupidly deleted it (about 18 months ago) and now would like to know if and how I can get it back. Probably not, huh! dumb

Steppenwolf Lyrics

Taken from the song Monster/Suicide/America

"...The spirit was freedom and justice
And it's keepers seem generous and kind
It's leaders were suppose to serve the country
But now they won't pay it no mind
'Cause the people grew fat and lazy
And now their vote is a meaningless joke
They babble about law and order
But it's all just an echo of what they've been told
Yeah, there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into a noose
And it just sits there watchin'

Our cities have turned into jungles
And corruption is strangling the land
The police force is watchin' the people
And the people just can't understand
We don't know how to mind our own business
'Cause the whole world has to be just like us
Now we are fighting a war over there
No matter who's the winner
We can't pay the cost
'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into a noose
And it just sit's there watchin'

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now?
We can't fight alone against the monster

Taking the T out of GLBT

A good idea or bad?

There are a lot of T's out there ready to break away from the gay community. They want the T to stand alone since it is about gender and not about sexual preference. I understand their position.
However......................
Both transsexuals and gay people start off in the closet trying to keep everyone from finding out that they are people with a secret. Most gay people try to keep their sexual preference hidden, transsexuals their belief that they are of the wrong body. Most will have a "coming out" experience at some point in their life with similar reactions to their secret. The difference is that when gay people come out they stay out. The "cure" for them is the coming out, the not hiding any more. A transsexuals coming out is just a starting point for finding that balance between body and mind. And, if they are lucky enough to have the financial means, family support, and courage to reach the end of their journey, then some return to a stealth mode where no one knows their past history. They go back into the closet, so to speak. I understand their reasoning, I really do. But until the ranks of transsexuals who stand up with pride and let their stories be told publicly becomes larger, transsexuals better stay connected to the GLB. There simply are not enough transsexuals willing to be put into the spotlight to make their cause effective.

Just my opinion...........

Stephanie

If us adults can't play nice together, then how do we expect our children to play nice?

What could go wrong?

Not all transitions go as planned, not that I really had a plan, I live day to day. So on January 3rd, 2006 when I took my first hormone pill, I thought to myself,"let's see what happens". I knew I was transsexual all my life so this finally felt like I was doing something about this situation. Six months into HRT I was a much happier person. That gnawing in me that kept telling me I was female abated somewhat but was still there. My only plan at that time was to keep working as a man (welder) and only tell people I trusted that I was on hormones. Well, you know how that goes sometimes. Tell one and it spreads like wildfire. On the start of my eighth month on HRT I was fired. I was good at what I did but my trans status wasn't accepted. They knew about my cross-dressing but couldn't handle hearing that I was transsexual. I tried to move on looking for work. After two months of being unemployed my daughter who owned a very small janitorial service (four of us) said I could come work for her. I went to work at a airplane parts manufacturing plant. I presented male for about a month until I decided to wear "just a little" make-up. Nobody called me out on it so little by little it got heavier. Earrings, bra, and female clothes were next. Most of the men in the plant didn't talk to me, some snide remarks were heard, but the women were very welcoming. Of course they asked the usual questions. Why? Are you going all the way? Are you gay?What does your wife think about it? I'd give them the "transsexual 101" lesson and tried to educate them as best I could. A lot of us became work friends and a few became close work friends. It wasn't all roses in the workplace though. There were people in upper management who were not liking my being there but I believe they thought they couldn't discriminate against me so they let me be until it was time for my daughter to renew the cleaning contract. They took the bid but made sure another cleaning company got the contract.

July 28th 2009 at 5:30am my wife fell off the steps leading into our house and broke her ankle which would take 7 months to heal. On the same day I found out that in a month I'd be out of work. Talk about a bad day! Phew

The next six months I spent taking care of my wife and looking for work. "Stephanie" couldn't find work. We lived on $140 dollars a week of unemployment benefits, first mine then hers, and food stamps. By the time she healed enough to go back to work, my nervous system was going haywire. My doctor put me on anti-depressants, but apparently the wrong ones. My depression had me at the door of suicide. If my wife wouldn't have taken the bullets from my gun I would not be here. I sat in my recliner with a blanket pulled up to my chin. Six months later and finally getting the right drugs my depression subsided but "Stephanie" had not been seen in over 8 months. I just did not feel the same as I did before all this happened. It may be the depression or it may be the drugs that have kept me from finding her all this time, but ever so slowly I'm getting back to being myself again.

I have a therapist appointment on Aug. 10th and plan on going as my true self for the first time since all this happened. It's going to be hard to do, but it's time. It certainly won't be as hard as the last two years.

This is just my story, your transition my be smooth sailing throughout. I just want transitioning girls to see that even a flawless transition can abruptly change.

Stephanie

Re: Trans on Trans Bickering

To the moderators of T-Central

When I was asked to vote on what to do with unruly bloggers, I wondered why I couldn't be the one to censor those blogs.

After the latest round of BS that I've read these last few days I've changed my mind. (A girl has that right to do that, doesn't she?lol)

I'm one to give everyone a second, third, even a fourth chance to control their belligerent attacks aimed at others here at T-Central. But it seems I've run out of patience and they've run out of chances.

Since they can't become civilized, respectful people, KICK THEIR BUTT TO THE CURB!

Stephanie

Yo, T-Central Poll

Why can't you leave the site as is and let me do my own censoring?


Stephanie

Therapy

I had my monthly therapy session yesterday. This was the second one with the same therapist. Once I feel I know ya, it doesn't take much for me to get to talking about things in my past so I opened up and saw an hour go by at record speed. I'm not sure how much my 30 something year old therapist knows about transsexualism but she knows a lot more now than she used to. If I keep seeing her she'll be an expert soon!!!


Stephanie

Just a Note

Ok, So I went to see the therapist today. It was only just a "get to know you visit". We talked mostly about my trip through depression and only touched on me being transsexual a little bit. Enough though that I now have another appointment with the same girl and then one with a psychologist. Since I don't have much faith in therapists of any kind, I'll just follow this along and see where it goes. After all, a little therapy can't hurt......


Stephanie

Pictures

Can you come out of the closet twice?

Follow-up

This is just a follow-up on my last post. I had promised that I'd get my appointment to see a therapist, and I went through with it. I see her on the 15th. I just hope this therapist has some knowledge about transsexuals. I usually find myself being the one to teach them the basics and then get annoyed that they don't know as much as me and I stop seeing them. This should be about the tenth one I've seen. Out of those, one was good. We'll see how this goes.

And... I have a bone density test Tuesday so the doc can better understand what's going on with my back pain. It's a disc but I'll humor them along until they come to that conclusion on their own. Besides, I've lost over 2 inches in height somewhere so maybe that will help find out where it went.

Stephanie