"I'll take, 'What are you' for $2000, Alex"

Of course it's going to be a daily double, and me being without money the house rules would apply. So I'd get to wager $2000 anyway.
"The answer is, ...'This is the category that Stephanie fits into'."
(cue the music)
...'What is_____?'
Yep, there goes the money, now I'm 2k in the hole, because there is no word to put into the blank. Doctors only have 'boy' or 'girl' to choose from and the middle ground is not recognized, yet. Someday tests may be made before the declaration is made, but not yet. That leaves me, and people like me, transsexuals, with only the two to choose from, and society dictates that we must choose. We have to be one or the other. But do we? Could we not have our own 'middle' category, and be proud of it, and work to make society accept us as that, as we are? By working to change societies view of us, we could reduce greatly the amount of importance that is put on the way we look, now a detouring factor for thousands of transgender people who do not live a fulfilled life. Those of us who have transitioned know how much better it feels to be our true selves, and this with us living with the stigma that society deals us. Imagine it gone, freedom for all of us to be ourselves. Bliss.
Society is changing, slowly. Acceptance is much better than just a few years ago, but it could be moved along much faster. I think if we, the transgender, didn't put so much importance in the final goal, SRS, and be proud to be a middle gender, a bi-gender, society would accept us sooner. We are finding out that there are millions of people considered transgender, but in the big world we are still just a small percentage, rare, and anything that is rare is special. We are special, we should be proud of that.

... just a dreamer,
Stephanie

Quick Update...

Patty Lou has an appointment for next Tuesday for a diagnostic mammogram, one that's more thorough than the first one she had. She seems to be taking this pretty good, while me, well, I'm a basket full of frayed nerves. Hormones sure heighten your emotions, nervous tension being one of them. So, I wait, we wait...

Stephanie

Reality...

Yep, I'm livin' in the real world, and it jumped up and bit me on the ass. Just a few days ago, I wrote that I don't like surprises. Now you'll see why.
After she got off from work today, Patty Lou had her 6 month scheduled appointment at the Drs office. A pap smear and a breast exam were done. When she got home I could tell she'd been crying so I knew something was wrong. They found a lump in her right breast. 25 yrs ago, she had a biopsy performed on some lumps that turned out to be benign cysts, so with that in mind there is a little hope that everything will be alright. But I feel like we're one of those ducks at the fair that float around waiting for someone to pay their dollar and pick them. Sooner or later your going to get picked, and we've been floating for a long time. She's 52, I'm 54, every little scare is causing more and more anxiety. It is inevitable that someone is going to pick us up and look at the bottom to see if they are a big winner or if they just wasted their dollar. It sounds real bad, but I'm hoping that there were a lot of losers that paid their dollar before we get picked up. Couldn't they pick another duck so we can just float some more?

Stephanie

Cover Girl Liquid Make-up, with Noxema

Can you smell that smell? I can smell it, but I don't need a bottle to be able to smell it, it's engraved in my olfactory senses. It was the first liquid make-up that I ever put on. Yeah, it's been around that long! It's still being made today, and although I don't use it now, Patty Lou does. 'Clean make-up', that's how it's advertised. I'd have to say, it hooked me. Yep, that's what did it. Not the red lipstick, nor the blue eye shadow, not even the black mascara that came in a little red box. Nope, it was that liquid make-up with it's wonderful smell that made me the make-up wearing girl I am today. Somewhere around the age of 14, I put that creamy solution on my face, and even my flawless complexion looked better. (Hey! I was 14, it was flawless then!) I'll admit it, it was a turn-on, and I guess in some way, it still is. The memory of that first time, that first smell, every time I sit down to put on my make-up I remember it. Through the years, I've tried to get that feeling back, but like all first times it can never be, first times are special. Do you remember your first time you did all your make-up? Is it the smell you remember?

Stephanie

Privately...

As the gray days continue, today's little ray of sunshine warmed me from head to toe. Just like most of you who have someone special in your life, when we are alone, my wife calls me by a pet name that no one else does, Skeeter. That was what my mother called me when I was little, (I WAS all arms and legs!) Patty Lou picked it up from her. (my mother hung that name on her too) Anyway, today, while she was trying to get the dog to leave her alone for a minute, (he's very demanding) she says, ..."Go see what Steph is doin'." ...I became Steph. WOOHOO! She's been real good about calling me Steph or Stephanie in public, but at home this is a first. I haven't heard a 'she' or 'her' yet, other than when we are at the bar, but I'm pleased. Small steps forward are still steps in the right direction. Yeah!
OMG! Now you know my pet name. Alright, but if we should ever find ourselves locked in the throws of passion, I'd better not hear it!!!

Stephanie

She's come undone...

WARNING: DOWNER BLOG.

Is there anyone else out there that can be getting along fine, everything just great, your smiling at the world, then you go to bed and wake-up feeling like you would end your world if it wouldn't cause such pain with your loved ones? I swear, it's like a switch is turned off in me. There is no reason for it, nothing I do, eat, or drugs that I change that causes it. It just happens, poof! Today was a gray day. I could care less about me, the new dog, the wife, nothing matters. How can that be? This has been my way of life all my life, and somehow, someway, it has got to change. I get real quiet and to myself to deal with it. In that way I try not to let it effect the people around me. (if there's a smile upon my face...) The only good thing is, since I started transition, and the farther I go with it, the duration of this gray period is getting shorter. It used to last weeks, now it's only days. But still, the ugliness is bad. I'm on an anti-depressant, but it was prescribed for sleep and I couldn't function if I took it at any other time of day, it knocks me out. ...OK, 'nough said. I'll deal with it.
...And through the dark clouds of gloom, there is one bright spot of light. The new dog, after two poo poos in the house made his first poo outside. Hey, on days like this, a girl has to bask in the only ray of sunshine she sees! ..............Later

Stephanie

New Year, New Addition

Happy New Year!

....I was debating weather to go out or stay at home all day, finally, at the last minute, decided we would go out. Since it's a 23mile trip to town, Patty Lou picked me up at work and we went directly to the bar. Why we went, I don't know. We sat there complaining about the loud music, the drunken people, and the crazy idea that someone had about tying ribbons to balloons that hung down in your face as you moved about. Dumb! I drank two beers, Patty Lou had a coke, and we left at 11:15 getting home just in time to see the ball drop in New York. Happy New Year! I swear I'm staying home next year.

....Ahh, but we started off the new year in a good way. Today we went and got ourselves a new puppy from an animal shelter so I would have company in the mornings while Patty Lou is at work, and her company at night when I'm at work. His name is Nate, a Lhasa mix, 7 months old, and very friendly. I said some time ago that I wasn't going to get another dog to become attached to, and I said I'd never have an inside dog, but I'm an old softy with a big heart and when she showed me his picture on pet finders, I couldn't resist. ...sigh. His messes on the floor may make me crazy for awhile, but he'll learn, or rather he'll train me to know when he needs to go out. Maybe I can learn!

....I hope everyone had a safe start to the new year. Let's be optimistic that this year will be a better one than the last, and that all our wishes for this year come true.

Stephanie