Phases...

Reading through the blogs of transitioning girls, you see different phases to transitioning. There are girls at that first step of finding themselves, deciding that they are indeed transsexual. They find relief, solace in that realization, which is quickly followed by the fear of going forward. Then you can read about the girls who have taken that next step and told someone of their thoughts and their desire to change their gender presentation, the coming out phase. The decision to start on hormone therapy usually follows shortly thereafter. In this coming out phase, with hormones changing their body and their mind, they find the acceptance of most, but not all. That's the same in any one's life, not just the transgender. Some people like you, some people don't. Next comes a big step, presenting themselves as female, a nervous, scary step to say the least. But in just a short time they find that it really wasn't as big a deal as they thought it would be. Soon they are in that same 'ol routine that they were in before their big leep. They go to work, they have a home life, they live a life very similar to what they had before, with very little changing but for their appearance. They find that being accepted as a transsexual is very comforting, a calming takes place within them. I'm at this phase. We know what the next step is, SRS for those who physically need to change their body, but there is a step before that. This step I didn't think I needed, but it seems to be taking on a greater importance as of late. By everyone at work, I'm looked at as a transitioning transsexual, still male, but presenting as female. Their knowledge, and my appearance, is keeping me in a middle ground that, quite frankly, I'm not liking at all. I want to belong, I want to be one of the girls, not just a close facsimile of one. I want to take the acceptance that I have received one step farther. I didn't think I would ever want to be totally stealth about this change, but I my be changing my mind on that. I need this acceptance. Right now, I don't think I need SRS, but this may change too, because, as you see, as I go through these steps of change, my mind is changing too.

Stephanie