What is the first thought that goes through your mind when you hear a group of men laughing? Do you automatically think that it might be about you? And, even though you didn't hear any part of what was laughed about, and your completely away from the group, does that thought still run through your mind? Could it be about me? I was in another room when I heard a group of men laughing tonight, and my first thought was could it be about me. Will there ever come a time when my first thought is, I wonder WHAT they're laughing about, and not IF they're laughing at me? I can deal with the laughter when it IS about me, I just overlook it as men being men. But I can't find a way to excuse my own thinking for assuming that it's always about me. I know it's very seldom something said about me, but still that's where my thoughts go. Will that ever go away? I sure hope so, I don't like this.
Stephanie
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I think when we are object of amusement for others at any point in our lives, the feeling that people might be laughing at us never goes away fully. Recently, Jeanie and I went to an Arby's for dinner. When the girl behind the register saw us walk in, she said, "OMG" and had to face the kitchen until she could control her laughing. For whatever reason, I chose to be very nice to her. I've learned that it's hard to mean to someone who is kind to you. Jeanie and I never spoke of it. Actually, this is the first time I've spoken of it. Despite what others might think or do, I never want to take away the joy of going out as a female away from Jeanie. Be brave. It's not easy to be different but then again, I think it beats the alternative: being boring and you, Sweet Stephanie, are far from boring.
Actually it does go away. I have a number of friends who've assured me that it does. Me, I'm six years into my new life and have never had someone laughing at me. I'm just one of the lucky ones I guess...
You are not boring, just growing, and in time my dear, all this will be well behind you!
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