Shadow of a woman...

Well, if I would have wanted some sympathy yesterday, all I would have had to have done would have been to take a pic and posted it. I looked like death warmed over. Friday I was feeling fine. Saturday I felt real tired and my nose was running. Sunday at work, I couldn't breath, my chest hurt, everywhere hurt, I thought I'd never get through the day. I went to the doctor Monday thinking it was just my allergies, which apparently he did too. He prescribed Flovent ($146!) and Singulair ($126!) and said I'd feel better soon. (How do people afford this stuff? Thankfully, I'm poor enough to go to the free clinic!) But I still had to go to work Monday night, so off I go, feeling terrible, looking worse, dragging every step of the 6hrs I was there. I made it home, read here for about 30min, and then slept for 10hrs. And sure enough, I felt a whole lot better today. Yeah!
Now this blog isn't about getting any sympathy, it's to show you what 'full time' means. It would have been real easy to have kept the makeup off, no bra, earrings, painted nails, all of that, but that is what distinguishes me from being gendered male. I made a decision 2 1/2 years ago that I was going to present the female that I believe myself to be to the public to see, and come hell or high water that is going to be ALL the world sees. No going back, no here today gone tomorrow, not even for one day, full time means full time. It isn't easy at times, but as they say, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
So when you get ready to go full time remember this. There will be days when you don't feel your best, or look your best. Your going to want to say, "Not today, just for today." But you know what? I could have taken it all off, still felt bad and looked bad, and been gendered male. And that would have made me feel even worse.

Stephanie