I know by now to always stay on my guard, and I do try. Always looking behind me, to the left, to the right. Keep focused, something can jump out and get me. That meteorite can smash me flat. Above all else, I can't allow myself to get blinded by the elation of something good, eyes open. Watch out!
...but I did it anyway. I let myself get caught up in the good feeling of yesterdays election and a better government to come, and I let my heart get smashed today by my youngest daughter. I didn't keep my eyes open. She told her mother that she wouldn't be coming from Florida for Thanksgiving, said it was too hard to travel the 600 miles, stay two days, and then go back. She's done it five years previously, with me even going back to boy mode last year to please her. I made it clear that this year I wasn't doing that. So, it's all on me, I'm too repulsive to be looked at. Patty Lou is hurt, my fault, again. It's always my fault. All I want is to be happy with my body, something I know will never happen. The heartaches in life will keep that from ever happening. ...Although it won't be rushed my me, I won't be sorry when death comes. I only pray that my gender problems don't follow me into my next life.
Stephanie
p.s. ...I've read some of your posts tonight, everything is making me cry. I'll comment tomorrow...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment