On our way back home from 'date night', Patty Lou and I were discussing Cloe's and Rene's marriage. She could see that they didn't seem happy just like most of us did. She said Rene was still mourning the loss of 'Ted'. And then she told me something that about floored me. She said she had to mourn my death, (Steve's) before she could move forward with Stephanie. She had never told me this before. She also reiterated that Stephanie and Steve were two different people entirely, Steve being a rotten bastard of a husband, and Stephanie a loving, gentle, caring partner. (everyone who knew me even in my crossdressing days said this also, I didn't think so) You've read the same from me, so you know that I already knew that, but to have her say it to me, well, it was another big surprise. I didn't have a clue she felt like that. It seemed to me when I went full time, that after a few months of slight tension between us, things started to get better and kept improving. And they're still getting better every day. I thought I knew Patty Lou, and I thought I could tell everything that went on in her head. 36 years together and I missed something as important as that. And now I wonder what else could I be missing. Am I so wrapped up in myself that I don't see how my transition affects my wife? This is one scary thought. One that needs much more examination. We , or I should say, Steve and Pat, never talked about things together, we kept our thoughts to ourselves, or screamed them at each other once an argument started. Actually sitting down and discussing what's on our minds is a new concept to us, one that needs to come more often, and much more freely. Since we know we will be together forever, this new communication between us can only make our love for each other grow stronger.
...This life I'm now living can be sooo different at times, but sooo much better than before.
Stephanie
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3 comments:
I don't see how life could be anything but better, when you are finally free to come out of hiding, and be your real self. It's very stressful having to constantly pretend to be something that you are not all the time. That's what drove me into isolation. I had to put up a front all day long at work each day, and I wanted no parts of that pretense when I came home. I decided it was better to live alone, than to live a disingenuous life with others.
I'm so happy that living an authentic life has improved your relationship with Patty Lou. How lucky you are that she stayed with you, through all those bad years. That's commitment!
Melissa XX
You know, Steph, I learn a lot when I read your story. Your so candid and open in sharing your struggles, and hearing about Patty Lou's thoughts really helps me too. Thank you for continually sharing, whether you're mood is in the sh**er or you're feeling great.
It's five o clock somewhere. If we ever meet drink will be on me.
Steph, you are just so lucky to have Patty Lou by your side. This was a very nice post to read. The kind of stuff I need to hear.
Calie xxx
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