All of those years that I waited to transition had only one purpose to them, to get to the time when I could transition. Nothing else mattered. I stood on the sideline of life in a drugged and alcoholic stuper waiting. And while I was waiting, a life that I could have been living, maybe even enjoying, passed me by. I didn't go to movies, I didn't go to school functions with my wife and kids, I didn't fish, go bowling, go to fairs, nothing. I stayed home so I could dress, put on makeup, and sit and drink myself into a drunken haze and wait. My wife didn't have a husband and my kids didn't have a father, and I feel so guilty for taking that from them. My waiting to live stole a life that could have been away from them. What a waste. ...There are things that really suck about being transgendered.