Saturday, January 22, 2011

My health care system

According to the state of Arkansas it's official. I'm disabled. When I found out that my problems with my hands wasn't treatable (severe lose of grip) I filed paperwork for disability. About 4 months later it has been approved. Along with a small check every month, I've been put on medicaid to cover my health bills. Since I'm on medicaid I had to find a new doctor/clinic because the free clinic I went to won't see you if you are on any type of insurance including medicaid. I really hate having to leave from there, it has been the best care I've ever had. Our health system should take note of these clinics and integrate the good they do for so little money.

So I get this list of doctors (about 100) from the Department of Human Services, a list of doctors who will take medicaid as payment, and I start calling to see if there are any slots they have available. One doctor will see me. One!!!, and he ONLY accepts medicaid patients. I'm wondering how good of a doctor he is. Medicaid is notorious for paying less for services than most doctors charge. Why would this doctor only take medicaid patients when he could make more money seeing insurance and cash paying patients also? I guess I'll find out Feb.4th when I see him to get my med prescriptions renewed.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Fool

Don't ya just hate it when you've been reading someone's blog for a long time and it dawns on you that who and what you've been reading about is all FAKE! I've been fooled for almost two years now, and I bet you have been too. Don't ask me who, I won't tell.

It makes me feel soooo stupid!


Saturday, January 15, 2011


Wednesday was Patty Lou's clinic appointment. She has one about every three months for a check-up and to get her prescriptions renewed. Since we still had ice and snow on the roadways, I drove her to work and picked her up for her after work appointment. I knew it would take awhile so I sat in the car waiting for her. I'd rather be there than in the noisy clinic.

The clinic sits on property that had two beautiful old homes on it. Probably built in the early 1900's, you could tell that someone with money had them built by the style they were built in. They were huge, and all you had to do was walk in the door and see the grandiose staircase's leading to the second floors and you knew that someone of class lived there when built. Although they had been vacant for many years, it was a shame that they were destroyed in the early '70's for the clinic to be built.

The parking lot for the clinic had two houses that were torn down for it to be made also. One was a duplex, the other was a single family home. They were not like the other two. They were just plain homes, homes built about the same time but built for someone on a workman's wage. Functional.

I sat in the parking lot remembering days long past. The neighborhood kids and I searching through the rooms of the big houses. Skateboarding on the sidewalks, playing baseball on the too crowded narrow street. I remember this because the sign for the clinic shows the address being "133 Arbor St." When I was 11 years old (1965) I lived at 137 Arbor St., the address of one of the houses. When I was 12 years old (1966) I lived at 133 Arbor St. The address of the other torn down. I never got to live in one of the big houses.

Oh. And I also remembered putting on an old ball type gown (black and shimmery gold) I had found in one of the big houses and showing the neighborhood kids.

Those were the days....


Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow #2

Here's my winter wonderland. The weatherman said we would get four inches but we have 6 inches this morning. Par for the weather man.

Please overlook the junk car. Of course it's mandatory that every house in Arkansas has to have at least one in the yard!


Sunday, January 9, 2011


The news here is that it has started snowing. I know, it's not much news for you who have already been shoveling snow, but we only get measurable amounts maybe once each winter and then only an inch or two. We're suppose to get about four inches between now and Monday morning. Patty Lou is just a big kid at heart so she's all giggly thinking she won't have to work tomorrow. Just a little snow shuts down everything around here. Me, I could care less on whether it snows or not, I have no place I need to be. Just as long as the power stays on I won't complain.

I'll see if I can get a good picture of it when it quits tomorrow.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Before she went to work this morning, Patty Lou left a note for me to unload the dish drainer. Which one do I move that won't have the others land on my toes?


Monday, January 3, 2011


January 3, 2006. It's been 5 years to the day since I went on HRT, except for about 6 months last year when I was in my severe depression stage. There were also a couple of times when I'd ran out due to shipping problems. (InHousePharmacy, in the U.S. we can't get drugs over the internet without a 'script anymore) In my attempt to transition, getting on HRT was easy.(first internet, now by prescription) Going full-time was an easy thing to do.(3 years) Due to the depression, de-transitioning was really hard to do. And now, taking that first step to get back to where I was seems impossible. I used to tell people to "just do it".

Why can't I listen to my own advice?


Saturday, January 1, 2011


Usually I don't make New Years resolutions because it's too easy to break them. Unrealistic goals, lack of willpower, whatever the reason, they get broken soon after making them. It's said that most resolutions are broken within the first two weeks of making them. That would be true for me.

This year will be different.(I hear ya! Oh ye of little faith!) This year will be different because my only resolution is, "Have a better year than last year"!

A lot of people make that same statement. If they've had a good year they make it in hopes that the next year will be even better. Their chances aren't as good as those who've had a bad year. Two good years in a row I'd say is about a 50/50 chance in happening. The worse year you have the chances greatly improve.

I've just had the worst year of my life. Mild depression, followed by severe depression causing me to de-transition. A trial and error period with three different groups of drug therapy. Finally one brought me out of the severe depression but has left me sad all the time. I'm still trying to find "Stephanie", lost somewhere along the way. If you see her send her home.

A better year? I'm not certain of one, but the chances are good.