Thursday, May 14, 2009

RE: yesterdays "family" pic

Looking at that family pic made me think of something.
Since I'm not my oldests biological father, I didn't have this to deal with. But when Patty Lou told me she was pregnant with our youngest I prayed it wouldn't be a boy. I was terribly afraid that if the baby were a boy, it would have all those girl feelings that I had. I was so relieved when Cindy was born. I was adamant after that I didn't want anymore children. I hated that I felt that way, but I just couldn't chance having a boy and him turn out like me. It was sad that I felt that way then, and it's sad that I feel that way now.
Is there anyone else who feels this way?



Leslie Ann said...

Yeah, Steph, I think about that. My third is male, and I find myself watching for signs that he's caught my dysphoria. Not that I would feel awful about it, just that I'd want to be supportive, something I never had.

alan said...

I worried, having gone through enough dealing with the duality of my own sexuality, having thought as other barriers came down in my teens that these worries would have been moot by the time my sons were born.

Now, 30 years later, it's my grandchildren I worry about.


Stephanie said...

And yes Alan, now I worry about two grandsons, especially them knowing about me. With them having a somewhat homophobic, redneck father, I don't want them to go through what I did with my father.

Le visage d'avril said...

Wow. Interesting post. My son was born first and I told my wife I guess I have to deal with my maleness. Even though we knew his sex before he was born but somehow I expected a girl. I just didn't feel like I knew how to parent a boy.

Calie said...

Steph, wow, I can relate to this one. My first was a boy. I was bound and determined that he not end up like me. Raised him to be all boy. I taught myself to do boy stuff so I could do it with him. I could never do sports, but forced myself to sit with him and watch Nascar, football,etc.

We all know, however, that if he were born trans, none of this would have any effect anyway.