Sunday, November 30, 2008


Well, other than a Fri night of drinking, and a quick trip to Wal*Mart Sat, I've been holed up in this house my entire 4 days off. Thank gawd I go back to work tomorrow. That sounds a little twisted doesn't it, knowing that I have the lowly job of cleaning. There's no glamour at the bottom of the totem pole. Ah, but it is what sustains me, it confirms who I am. I am seen, I am real, I'm not just a thought in my mind. That's how I've felt all through these years, even my crossdressing years. Being seen made it real, I am what you see, or at least the image that I am trying to project is what I am. The showing of my panties in 3rd grade, the staying dressed long enough to get 'caught', the slut look I had going for so long, and now the 24/7, it's all been to be seen. You see me, therefor I am. ......I wonder, would SRS and becoming complete stop this need? Suppose I blended in so well that it couldn't be seen what my gender started out as. Would I still have that need to tell? I wonder.
.......I wonder about a lot of things, maybe I wonder too much.

...........Tomorrow is world aids day. I know some of you, as I am, are lucky to be alive. Visit your local aids hospice center.

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