Tuesday, November 25, 2008

"Sheeee's out!

I'd have to say that my first time out of the house as Stephanie, although I called myself Cindy then, was a little different than other girls. My mother took me to the community counseling center to see the psychiatrist. After being 'caught' for the umpteenth time, she decided that help was needed, for her or for me, I don't know which. Turned out, neither of us was helped much, and in fact, I was hurt, being felt up by the much too friendly dr. Two more trips there and I refused to go anymore. My mother never knew why. As you can imagine, I wasn't very enthused about going anyway, and only after my mother said that I could go 'dressed', and that I could drive, that was the clincher since I was just learning, I reluctantly went. In my sisters wrap skirt, my mothers sweater, padded way too big bra, and too much makeup, off I went, scared to death. I can only tell you that daddy met us there, other than that I don't know what kind of day it was, if my sisters went with, or anything that was said, other than the way the dr. touched me, I only remember one other thing. I had known my wife to be for two years already, we went with our fathers to the bowling ally on Monday nights, hanging out together from the day we met. After my hour of counseling was over, while the dr. was talking with my mother and father in the hallway, who do I see walking toward me? Patty Lou. OMG, OMG, OMG! Where is a sink hole when you need one! She was with her step father and mother who were divorcing, and they thought she needed counseling. With my head down and trying to be invisible, I'm heading for the door. We pass, she didn't look up, a big sigh of relief escapes from me. Then I see the two men talking politics, comparing bowling scores, telling stories about their crazy kids, who knows what they were doing, all I wanted was for this moment in hell to be over. It finally did pass, and years later when I asked Patty Lou if she had recognized me, she said no. Apparently, having to be there and having anyone she knew see her there, was so embarrassing to her that she retreated into her own little world of hell. Funny how the mind does that. ...Anyhow, after my mother, OH WOW!, my sisters were with us, hmmm ...Anyhow, after we left , we stopped at a shoe store to buy me a pair of girls shoes, sandals with a small heel, so that I didn't have to wear my boys tennis shoes the next time. Momma was already working me!
...So there you go, my first time out as a girl. My first time out by myself would come two years later, when I bought the first makeup of my very own.
....(Oh, BTW, Cindy was changed to April with the birth of my youngest daughter. It was April for about two years.)


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