Sunday, February 15, 2009

"...wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door."

Who am I? ...You can ask me that, but don't expect an answer. All of my life I have felt as though I have been a non-entity, someone that is just here as an observer. I've let life take me as it wishes, never setting a course for what I want. Because, I don't know what I want. Other than that one single thought that has been in my head all these years, you know the one, becoming a woman, there's been no other goal, no plans. It was, 'do that first, then I'll decide my life'. Somehow I've let 54yrs. pass by and still no plan, and now, what seems awfully fast, I'm there. I'm two years into this full time thing and I don't have a clue what it is I want to do next. I just bounce along, no direction.
... The reference to Eleanor Rigby? Sometimes I feel that all I've done has been to trade one costume for another, this one in a jar. I don't like feeling this way...



Angel said...
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Gillian said...

What do you love, dear? Forget for a minute about the gender thing, as a matter of fact, leave that behind. You are a woman, that's given. What would you LIKE to do? Joseph Campbell says, "Follow your bliss." That phrase opens a world.