Saturday, December 6, 2008

The meat market...

I went to the bar tonight, what for I don't know. Every time I do now I sit there like a lump, like I'm waiting for something. And I know there isn't anything that I want from there. Before this change in me, I would go with the thought in mind that I would find some man to **** me senseless, and I did sometimes, only after getting so drunk that I would barely remember what I had done. And I thought I needed that at the time. It made me feel connected to my girl self that was deep inside me. Now that she's out in the open I have no reason for a tryst, or the wham bam thank you ma'am if you will. So now I go looking for company. The only thing is, everyone that is there is looking for someone to go to bed with and they aren't interested in a tranny who only wants conversation. Other than the obligatory, "Hello, how are you," I get nothing. I feel like a stranger in a place that I used to be the center of attraction. I have got to find something else to do, some place where I can fit in but not be someones sexual object for a short time. Where? That's the question.

Stephanie

7 comments:

Gillian said...

Forgive me if I sound a little dense, Hon, but if I understand your situation correctly, you have a supportive spouse at home. How about hanging with her? How about a church group? Or a club that is connected with your interests? Heck, how about a womens' club?

But I'd go back to my first comment: how about hanging with your spouse?

Angel said...
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Shauna Baggtt said...

I know it isn't easy finding someone to hug or hold and if it were maybe most of us would write something happy on our blogs. *smirk*

Stephanie said...

Girls, all I want is conversation, and not 'who's doin' who' or any of the gay gossip that you get in a gay bar. Groups and clubs are not an option in Arkansas. I'm barely tolerated in the general public. Church? I'm afraid of lightning! My wife does go out with me occationally, but we've been together for over 35 yrs, we know what the other is going to say before they say it! I need new, stimulating conversation. I guess I just feel trapped in now where land.

Stephanie said...

I must have a brain fart stuck this morning. I do know how to spell!LOL...

Angel said...
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Le visage d'avril said...

How about dinner or a GNO with friends?