Well, apparently I went to bed too early, my eyes popped open at 3am and my mind won't stop whirling to let me go back to sleep. Most of the redundant thinking stems from me finding out that it will be just Patty Lou and me at the dinner table for Christmas. I guess I haven't become any less hideous in the eyes of my two daughters husbands since Thanksgiving when they stayed away. Hmmm, a thought. Maybe I could sport a pair of DD boobs and show alot of cleavage next year. Men like cleavage! Ahh, the sarcastic jokes are still there, and they come out when I try to cover up my true feelings. Really, I hurt, for me, yes, but much more because I am hurting Patty Lou. I'm the cause for her holidays to be, well, if not dismal, less than what they always were, way less. And with both of us not being in the best of health, there could be but a few left. We need to be enjoying each one as if it were our last, each day as if it were our last. Grandsons and daughters should be seen more often, not kept from us as they are now, all because of me. It isn't right, and I don't know what to do to fix it.I guess all I can do is muddle on, hoping that time will cure some of the problems. I just hope that there is enough time.
...Anyway, there is going to be a huge ham and a large pan of German potato salad, (grandma's recipe that can't be beat!) on the table at noon on Christmas day, just in case your in the neighborhood.