Sunday, April 5, 2009

The woman within...

"There's a woman in me dying to get out."

If your transgender, you've said that more than once, I'm sure. I have, over and over again, and thought it nearly every day of my life. And guess what? ...I still do. Yes I'm doing the hormones, living that 24/7 thing they call a 'Real Life Test'. (it's not much of a test if you ask me, too easy) ...Anywho...So you wonder why I would say there is still a woman in me wanting out. It's simple, if you knew her. She's nothing like who you've met and seen here. She's the kind of woman you see in advertising circulars. The one wearing a nice dress, coiffed hair, heels, walking through malls, confident in the way she looks. Oh, she can change into jeans and a tee, (what I wear) and go dancing at the club, but that's the difference between me and her. She can look good in both, where I am limited to just the dressed down version. Me in a dress brings that disturbing thought of "man in a dress" to mind. In the past, I've put all of the blame on my hair problems, but truth realized, if that was all it took a wig would solve my problem. It doesn't. Time and time again I put on a dress only to take it off before leaving the house, only to get depressed upon seeing the first woman, or even a pretty crossdresser, looking beautiful in her dress. I'm having a hard time accepting this, the woman in me wants out. In my old crossdressing years, it didn't matter as much, but then I never dressed the pretty woman style, opting for the pretty slut look. Plus, enough drugs and alcohol and your eyes see only what they want to see anyway. That's just one of the risks of sobering up. ...sigh
I will either have to come to terms with knowing that that woman will never be able to come out, or I will have to find a way to bring her out and not care what others think. My options spelled out. Not much to choose from.


1 comment:

The Crossdresser's Girlfriend said...

I'm curious what brought this on.
Why do you feel you don't look good in a dress?
Why do you only feel good if you are in casual attire or if you're going for a slutty look? Clothes are just frames-maybe you have to take the time to really frame shop in order to get the right dress; no different than GG's go through. I'd like to see a full length of you. Maybe I could help.