Even though most people who know me wouldn't say that I'm anywhere near normal, this life I'm living now is as close to normal life as anything I've ever known. Most of you know, my years of pre-transition were foggy workdays waiting for weekends of crossdressing, more drugs, and more alcohol, sobering just enough to go to work on Monday and doing it all over again. Those days are over, and now I find myself not knowing how to do the 'normal' things that most people my age learned years ago. I didn't grow-up, my biggest problem being, I didn't learn how to be in a social gathering, conversation eludes me. I feel so inept, like a teenager in a group of adults, wanting to contribute, but utterly afraid of saying the wrong thing. So I keep to myself, a wallflower, dying on the inside. I don't know how to change this, but I must. It is keeping me from becoming whole.