Friday, January 2, 2009

She's come undone...


Is there anyone else out there that can be getting along fine, everything just great, your smiling at the world, then you go to bed and wake-up feeling like you would end your world if it wouldn't cause such pain with your loved ones? I swear, it's like a switch is turned off in me. There is no reason for it, nothing I do, eat, or drugs that I change that causes it. It just happens, poof! Today was a gray day. I could care less about me, the new dog, the wife, nothing matters. How can that be? This has been my way of life all my life, and somehow, someway, it has got to change. I get real quiet and to myself to deal with it. In that way I try not to let it effect the people around me. (if there's a smile upon my face...) The only good thing is, since I started transition, and the farther I go with it, the duration of this gray period is getting shorter. It used to last weeks, now it's only days. But still, the ugliness is bad. I'm on an anti-depressant, but it was prescribed for sleep and I couldn't function if I took it at any other time of day, it knocks me out. ...OK, 'nough said. I'll deal with it.
...And through the dark clouds of gloom, there is one bright spot of light. The new dog, after two poo poos in the house made his first poo outside. Hey, on days like this, a girl has to bask in the only ray of sunshine she sees! ..............Later



Gillian said...

I know exactly what you mean. The hardest part for me to get over is not wanting to be happy again. I get immersed in work and wait for it to pass. And it does. Enjoy that puppy and know that you are loved by more that just him.

Anonymous said...

Well, if ya need to talk I'm here. Please, don't be sad. You're too sexy to be sad:)