My best girlfriend at work asked me how I was doin'. I said something like, "Oh, I'm alright." The way my voice cracked with emotion she could tell right away that I'm a bundle of nerves. I nearly broke down crying. I told her I was just nervous about this work contract thingy, which I am , but then add to it everything else that seems to be going wrong, breaking down, or just everyday stress, and my nervous system is frayed badly. (I could use a little yellow pill!) She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call if I needed to talk. That nearly got me crying too. .......And then she went back to talking with some of the other women in this cubicle. They were talking about a party for someone being held at a local bar. All the girls were invited. ...I wasn't. I doubt if I ever will be. (damn tears)
Tomorrow is my therapy session, and even though I've seen countless numbers of shrinks, this woman has me very anxious. Scared to death is more like it! This is the first therapist I've had that actually has knowledge about transsexuals, and even though I've lived 2 1/2 yrs full time, knowing that she can and will be advancing me on my journey is both exciting and scary. She seems genuinely interested in knowing EVERYTHING about me, where all the rest of my therapists just gave me lip service, they were there to draw a check. This woman is a volunteer at the clinic, so monetary gain isn't her agenda. It will cost me $5 a visit to see her. (Sometimes it's good to be poor!) Of course, you know I'll tell you all about my visit tomorrow night!