I've been back on my spiro since Friday and I still have a thunderstorm of thoughts in my head that I just can't seem to separate. It's all just a jumbled mess. I sat here two hours last night writing how my image of myself is slowing changing. I wrote, I edited, I wrote some more, I edited some more, then, after reading the final draft I realized it was a big mess of confusion and deleted the thing and went to bed mad at myself for not being able to express my thoughts. It's VERY frustrating! Maybe I need to cut back on the meds, even the pain control meds, they could be screwing with my head. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to write something that I feel others would want to read. Or maybe I'm just a blooming idiot with a 10th grade education and shouldn't expect myself to write anything deeper than a Dick and Jane story! (See Spot run. Run Spot run!) Maybe, but then there's this high IQ number they attached to me that makes me think that I should be able to write great things, or at least coherently. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I think too much...
Oh, my body image is changing. I'm slowly seeing myself as a woman. It feels great.
...there, at least that was coherent...arrrrggh!