Monday, August 24, 2009

Implosion, implosion, explosion

This is not going to be a good week for me. With my job ending, I'm at a loss as to what to do next. The girls at work are going to have me crying every time I look at them. They are "Stephanie's" friends, my first friends, not "Steven's". I think you understand. Most of them never saw me before transition, and the few who did, never paid any attention to the goofy looking man that was doing the cleaning. It's going to hurt me terribly to say goodbye, especially since I have no other women in my so called real life but them, oh, and Patty Lou. It's going to be a sad time.

Patty Lou's been a hand full lately. I know she's bored silly having to sit around the house, but she cannot walk using her crutches, so she's mostly confined to her wheelchair or recliner. She's being very demanding, picky, grumpy, ....sigh. This has me holding my tongue as best as I can, but eruptions still surface. I keep thinking, "this will all end, hang on", but it's getting very difficult to do. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. When I do, it will be a train. Hope it's going slow, I may decide to hop on!

My Florida daughter has screwed her marriage up. Some of you know I'm not a big fan of the prejudice, homophobic husband, but he did take good care of her, and I'd like to see them stay together. That's not going to happen now. Third husband, third infidelity by her. She thinks the grass is always greener on the other side. Hell, I'm standing on the other side! It ain't green! ...sigh

That's enough of my drearies. I write this for me as a record. So if I bring someone down (you know who) just quit reading. Someday I'll be cheerful again. Maybe...



Calie said...


Not to worry...that's what we're here for.

Life runs in and downs... Let's hope this is the bottom and you have an "up" cycle to look forward to.

Patty Lou is your soulmate. Take care of her. Hold your tongue. She will love you even more for it. If you want to say something not-so-nice to Patty Lou, just say "F-off, Calie" to yourself instead. That way, I am of some use to you throughout this down period. :)

Melissa said...

Stephanie, I never fail to read you blogs and the compelling stories you tell of your ife. You have certainly won my heart, as I'm sure you have won the hearts of many here, who read your writings. I only wish there was something I could do to help you out of your current situation. If only I lived close by. At least then, I could come by and give you a hug when you need it.

Thinking about you,
Melissa XX

Common Teri said...

I'm sad to hear you're losing your job. Hoepfully this will lead to something better for you. We almost lost our home but somehow things came along in our favor when there seemed no hope. Your a strong survivor Stephanie I'm sure you'll get through this tough time.

Hang in there.

chrissie said...

It is true that these things go in cycles, honey.

I dare say Patti Lou is just grumpy because she feels so helpless not being able to get about much. It won't really be because of something you have done.

Anyway, if you need to get things off your chest, that's what these blogs are for.

take care, pet.


Leslie Ann said...

It's very healthy to vent here. We don't care if you're grumpy. I do my best writing when I'm grumpy.

My wife would say that you are due for some good karma. She believes that the cosmos has a way of evening things out over time. I hope she's right. You've earned some good fortune.

alan said...

If I didn't have someplace to "let it out" I'd of burst by now...write what you need to for you! We'll be here!