Friday, August 14, 2009

My will to live

People just don't understand what it is like to be transgender. In the 3 yrs. that I have worked at the plant, I've tried to explain to the women, and a few men, the importance of this transition. They still just don't get it. One of them that I've talked extensively to, told me that I may have to go back to being a 'weekend' girl if I couldn't get a job as Stephanie.

As open as I am in my writing here, I am just as open with them, telling everything about me. But still they think it's as simple as just putting on the clothes of the gender you portray that day. They can't understand the emotional roller coaster that comes with having to do that. The deep depressing workweek that chews at your inner self, then the great high of the weekend able to be 'real', only to be repeated week after week, I couldn't do that any more when I started transition, and trying to go back to that would certainly destroy me now.

I don't know how I'm going to survive this financial mess I'm in, but I will survive it. I will only be able to survive it if I am the person I was meant to be, not going back to being someone that couldn't remain in this world any longer. I am a woman. I will become a strong woman, stronger than any hardship that life can throw me. I will survive.


1 comment:

Amy K. said...

Gender dysphoria tends to be a progressive problem. What was once somewhat acceptable to us, gradually begins to become unbearable. After a while, it's just like, "Hell no, I won't go!!!"