My never planning ahead has gotten me in more trouble than I could ever write about here. I've let opportunities past by me over and over again. I always put the blame on me being transgender and, in doing that, I can take the guilty feeling off of me. It's all my own fault that I am where I am in this world. Other transgender people have made something of themselves, I should have too.
I got a call from the job placement people this morning. There was a welding job available if I had been a certified welder. I'm not, due to my own stupidity. I could/should have been. I had the chance to go and take the test, free of charge even. But I didn't. Back toward the end of my 11 years of welding at my step-brother-in-laws welding shop, he needed all the certified welders he could get to go to Magic Springs Amusement Park to weld. But I opted to stay at the shop and build all the parts that went out there for others to weld together. I say opted, but really it was because of, (1) my thin eyebrows causing me to shy away from people who didn't know about me. (Yes, I know. When I say I couldn't let them grow, it sounds stupid!) (2) Me wanting to be sure I was off at 3pm so I could get drunk and even higher than I was all day. (3) Get drunk and play dress up on Monday, Tuesday nights. Wednesday and Thursday I primped getting ready for the weekend. In other words, my life revolved around me being transgender so much, that the things I should have put first, I gave a back seat to or sometimes no seat at all. I'm a big dufus! That's a dumb ass for those who don't know what a dufus is. Now if I went to get certified, I'd have to pay to take a class and pay for a test, with money I don't have now. So what do I do? I raise my hands in the air and scream, WHY ME!
I'm a DUFUS!
Patty Lou should have thrown a blanket over me and beat me with a broom handle long ago!