Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I've been talking to Teddy Rat tonight, asking him the same question over and over again. "What should I do now?" He doesn't have an answer. He's a good listener though. I tell him my problems and no matter how I drone on about them he sits and takes it all in. Telling all these problems to someone else would have them leaving me. Nobody wants to hear or sit though such a long list. They would bore even those that are paid to hear them. ...Maybe a good bartender could stand hearing my troubles. That's it! Since I have no therapist now (nobody has heard from her) I'll tell all to a my bartender. I'll get pissy drunk in the process too. Bonus! ...Well, that won't solve anything....(sigh) I understand how some people try to run away from their problems. My feet are itching. I have a wife though, and I won't drag her down with me. I wouldn't be afraid to leave everything and run if it was just me I had to care for. I could sleep in a tent or under a bridge, need be. I don't need much, although, a laptop would be high on the list of luxuries. I have an addiction! I also have a strong urge to be free of all responsibilities. I'm guess I'm just tired of trying. I want all these bills to stop. I want all these things that keep breaking down to stop. (electric problems again) I just want to be responsible for me for once in my life. I want to quit, quit everything, but I can't.